The Changing Course Newsletter 

 

Issue 100 October 1st, 2004  

 

 

The free newsletter from http://www.ChangingCourse.com 

 

Dedicated to helping you:  

~ Live Life on Purpose 

~ Work at What You Love 

~ Follow Your Own Road 

 

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In this issue: 

 

Featured Article: Are You Settling? Get What You Want in Three Steps

Special 100th Issue Anniversary Gifts

Featured Resource: Newsletter Archives

Ask the Expert: Travel Writing Expert, Jen Stevens

Congratulations to Valerie from Fans/Friends

 

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TODAY’S WISE WORDS 

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Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. ~ George Bernard Shaw

 

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Val’s Picks & Ponderings

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Are You Settling? Get What You Want in Three Steps

 

By Valerie Young

 

This fall marks two momentous occasions. The first is of a personal nature. I’m proud to say that in a few short weeks I’ll be joining the ranks of baby boomers turning fifty.

 

If popular culture is any indication, I should find this particular milestone cause for great consternation. From the distress of new found wrinkles to the regrets of unrealized dreams to the reality of one’s mortality, they don’t call it “The Big 5-0” for nothing.

 

So why am I so unfazed? Maybe it’s because I feel happier, healthier, and in the ways that really count, more attractive than at any other time in my life. Mostly though, what I’ve noticed is a profound sense of clarity about who I am and what I want. And I have every intention of getting it.

 

Are You Settling?

 

When you’re younger, I find, you’re more apt to settle. We settle in relationships (“It’s better than being alone”), we settled for high-stress, low-satisfaction jobs (“It could be worse”), we settle for all kinds of things that later in life would be simply unacceptable. Now that I’m pushing 50, settling feels entirely, well, uninteresting.

 

Settling is not the same as compromise. Healthy relationships require a certain degree of compromise from both partners. And while I think you can get darned close, no job is perfect. There are times I’d rather curl up in the big chair in my living room and nap – or do just about anything else than hustle to meet some deadline. But life is all about trade-offs.

 

Settling is different. When you settle, you unwittingly or wittingly check your true needs, desires, feelings, and gifts at the door. By settling you’re essentially telling yourself, “This is the best I can do.” You don’t even try to get your needs met, or realize your true desires, or express your feelings, or bring your gifts into the world because you either don’t think a) it’s possible or b) that you deserve to get what you want.

 

The “pathological optimist” in me is here to tell you that far more is possible than you think and everyone – including you – deserves to go after what they want. (You’ll be hearing from the “pathological pragmatist” in me shortly.)

 

How to Get What You Want

 

In my experience, getting what you want is a three-step process that involves clarity, action, and hope. Here are some questions to help you navigate each step:

 

1. Getting clear.

 

The first and most obvious question to ask here is, “What do I really want and need?” You may be surprised at your own answers. For example, when I asked workshop participants to name the three things they absolutely had to have in their work life I expected to hear the big three: Flexibility, balance, and satisfaction. Instead they cited a delightful range of wants and needs from having their pet by their side while they work to frequent travel to intellectual stimulation to the need to help make the world a better place.

 

Getting clear is not just about your work life. There’s no time like the present to clarify what you want in all realms of your life. For example:

 

~What do you need in terms of your physical surroundings… your home, your neighborhood, your community? (Me, I’m in hot pursuit of a house with a view.)

 

~What do you want and need in a relationship? (Or, perhaps what you really need right now is to have a relationship with yourself.)

 

~What do you need to achieve or maintain your well being – emotionally, physically, spiritually?

 

~What about financially? (Money is always a good place to be clear on the difference between wants and needs. You may want to make six figures but you need far less to meet your basic needs.)

 

Consider too the things that interfere with you getting what you want. One question that can help here is, “What am I tolerating?” It might be an unreasonable boss or workload, a stressful commute, a less than supportive family, the lack of alone time, a self-limiting belief, or a refusal to let yourself let go of the past and embrace what could be.

 

Once you get clear on what you want, do yourself a favor and put it in writing. That’s what Dilbert cartoonist Scott Adams did. Adams desperately wanted to escape his corporate cubicle to become a syndicated cartoonist. To keep his goal front and center he wrote his goal not once, not twice, but 15 times – a day!

 

2. Take steps to get what you want.

 

Adams wasn’t just engaging in wishful thinking. The guy backed up his goal with action. Before heading off to his corporate cubicle, Adams would work on his cartoons from 5:00 to 7:00am until he had compiled enough to put in an envelope and send off to United Feature Syndicate. The rest, as they say, is history. Today Adams is, in his words, “obscenely wealthy,” doing exactly what he loves, and using his gifts to make millions of other corporate drones laugh at the absurdities of modern organizational life.

 

Sometimes the action can be as simple as asking for what you want. Depending on what it is you want and need, you might ask for time, respect, information, resources, space, affection, validation, compensation, further explanation, assistance, understanding… the list can go on and on. The key is to ask!

 

3. Have hope.

 

I promised you’d hear from the “pathological pragmatist” in me, so here it is. Just because you know what you want and ask, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get it. You can ask your boss for a raise, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get that raise. In fact, the things you’re least likely to get are those that are solely dependent on someone else’s cooperation and needs.

 

If you’re feeling discouraged by the idea of not getting what you want, don’t be. Have you heard the expression “Be careful what you ask for”? Think about it. If you always got what you thought you wanted, you’d be “married” to your first youthful crush (now that’s a scary thought). You don’t necessarily get what you want, but as the Rolling Stones famously reminded us, you do always get what you need.

 

So where does hope come in? Noted playwright, poet, political dissident, and former president of Czechoslovakia and later the Czech Republic, Vaclac Havel, once wrote:

 

“Hope is an orientation of the spirit, an orientation of the heart. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”

 

What do Havel’s words mean to you? How can you develop an orientation of the heart that allows you to believe that no matter what happens, regardless of how things turn out – even if you are disappointed – that things have meaning?

 

If you are serious in your intention to change course, you must do so with a hopeful spirit. Expect bumps in the road. At the same time, have faith that there is a reason for everything and that, even if the reason is not clear at the time, everything really does makes sense.

 

You don’t have to wait to turn 50 to experience the serenity and the power that comes with knowing what you want. Life is just too short to settle for less.

 

P.S. I did say this fall marks two momentous occasions. The second includes a little gift for you. Scroll down to the Special 100th Issue Anniversary to learn more.

 

 

Off the beaten path career counselor, Valerie Young, abandoned her corporate cubicle to become the Dreamer in Residence at http://www.ChangingCourse.com, offering free resources to help you discover your life mission and live it. An expert on the Imposter Syndrome, she’s presented her How to Feel as Bright and Capable as Everyone Seems to Think You Are program to over 30,000 people. Find more articles written by Valerie at http://www.ChangingCourse.com/articles/

 

 

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SPECIAL 100TH ISSUE ANNIVERSARY GIFTS

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GIFT 1: A Special Gift to Help You Get What You Want

 

The other momentous occasion I’m celebrating this fall is this the 100th issue of the Changing Course online newsletter (as some of you know, the newsletter ran from 1996 to 2000 as a hardcopy, subscriber newsletter). I can think of no better way to mark this milestone than by finding some small ways to thank the over 19,700 of you who have supported Changing Course over the years.

 

Focus on Your Dream With a FREE Inspirational Screen Saver

 

To help you get clear on what it is you really want, take the necessarily action to get it, and ignite a hopeful heart we’ve put together a special Changing Course screensaver. You’ll find calming images with inspiring words to remind you that you really can find your life mission and live it.

 

Download your copy at now at http://www.ChangingCourse.com/sreensaver.htm

 

GIFT 2: It’s a Celebration Sale!

 

Save 15% off ANYTHING* in the Changing Course Store full of proven resources to help you get from where you are today to working at what you love. *Excludes career consultations.

 

Click here to save on all orders* placed before October 14th

http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/adtrack.asp?AdID=89306

 

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FEATURED RESOURCE  

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NEW ~ Browse the Changing Course Newsletter Archives

 

Now you can browse all 100 issues of the Changing Course Newsletter in one convenient location! And to make your browsing even easier you can even search by key word. Looking for careers to pet lovers? Search for “animals.” Love the idea of getting paid to travel? Search using the keyword “travel writing.”

 

Grab a cup of coffee and head on over to http://www.ChangingCourse.com/archives/

 

 

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ASK THE EXPERT

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What if you could get paid to visit white sand Caribbean beaches... wildlife sanctuaries in Borneo... Indian Ocean hideaways...Rome... Paris... London...?

 

Good news: You can! Listen in as Jen Stevens, writer and contributing editor for International Living and author of the Passport to Romance: The Ultimate Travel Writer's Course explains exactly what it takes to get paid to travel for a living as a freelance travel writer. Also on hand will be Lori Appling, manager of the American Writers and Artists Institute’s travel-writing training program.

 

If you love to travel, be sure to join us Thursday, October 14th from 8:00pm – 8:50pm EST for this FREE teleclass! Click here to register: http://www.ChangingCourse.com/courses.htm

 

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INSPIRATION TO FOLLOW YOUR BLISS 

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The most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done. ~ Arnold Palmer

 

Without inspiration the best powers of the mind remain dormant, there is a fuel in us which needs to be ignited with sparks. ~ Johann Gottfried von Herder

 

Trust that still, small voice that says, "This might work and I'll try it." ~ Diane Mariechild

 

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CONGRATULATIONS TO VALERIE FROM FANS/FRIENDS

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EDITOR’S NOTE:

When Valerie and I talked about the 100th Issue, I wanted to find a way to let her know what an impact her work and this newsletter has made to so many people. I took the liberty of asking a special favor from a few friends to share their perspective with our readers and with Valerie. If you would like to share your story and/or comments with Valerie, simply email them to mailto:info@ChangingCourse.com  I have to admit that I was inspired and motivated by reading these great comments to Valerie about her passion to help others in their desire to change course. On a personal note, I’d like to thank Valerie for being such a “pathological optimist” and for inspiring me to consistently reach farther and do more!

 

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Wow, Valerie it's issue #1-0-0!  Thank you for following your true calling.  The Changing Course ezine always floats into my inbox just when I need it.  Happy 100th and may you continue to publish many, many more.  ~ LaTonya Bennett

 

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Congratulations on this momentous occasion! I remember sitting at my boring office job, surfing the Internet when I came across Val’s story and website. I immediately signed up and have been receiving Changing Course ever since. I am so grateful to Val for all of her help and support and while I am not totally where I wish to be, I am certainly on the right path.  Reading Changing Course is always uplifting and inspiring and I look forward to it!

With gratitude and love, Rebecca Ker

 

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Valerie,

Bravo! Take a bow! Congratulations! Hitting the 100 mark is no small accomplishment; hitting it by repeatedly putting together such a fabulous array of useful information is spectacular. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if we're celebrating the 200th and 300th issues of Changing Course as well.

 

Aerosmith's Steven Tyler said, "Remember the light at the end of the tunnel may be you." Thank you, Valerie for reminding us all that we can be the change agent and light in our own lives. I'm delighted to know you.

Your fan,

Barbara Winter

 

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Congratulations, Val, on a spectacular milestone! I remember quite well the process that you went through to create ChangingCourse.com - the many hours of hard work, the unbelievable creativity and drive, and, most impressive of all, your belief in yourself. You are an amazing success in so many ways. I am so proud of you! ~ Keitheley

 

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I'd like to say that I've used Val's newsletter and web site over and over again to research information for my new business venture and keep myself motivated. I've also sent her URL to many, many friends all over the U.S. who have each said how useful her information is for their lives and businesses as well. Congratulations to a job well done! ~ Janet Byrd

 

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Hi Valerie,

Congratulations on publishing your 100th issue of the Changing Course ezine.  I only started getting the ezine this spring and since the first issue, I have looked forward to receiving each issue. THANK YOU, and CONGRATULATIONS. ~ Barbara Ewing

 

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Valerie, Congratulations on all your success with your newsletter and business and for helping so many people start on their "authentic" path!!  You are a leader, teacher, and a great role model....thanks for all your help. ~ Bonnie Druschel, http://www.SunDazeStudios.com

 

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I attended the Maine conference [Dreams Can’t Wait] and have experienced Valerie in a very real way! She has been a true inspiration for me. Her practical yet visionary view of life has been a supportive and stabilizing force for me since I was "right-sized" 18 months ago and I called her about the Denver conference.

 

Bit by bit, I am launching my own "streams" of income and continue to feel empowered and enhanced by Valerie's clear commitment and valuable insights along the way.

 

Thanks Valerie--you are a tremendous source of spirit and zest in this world!

 

Sparking possibilities,

Vicki Field

 

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Congrats to you Valerie on your 100th!  Your Changing Course newsletter has changed my course all together. It let's me know I am not alone and keeps me on course!  That's it - Changing Course keeps me on course! God Bless ~ Kea Forell

 

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Valerie, you have literally changed my life. Your Changing Course newsletters got me started to follow my dreams, and after attending Making Dreams Happen seminar I did it! I'm now an independent writer working for myself and will be celebrating my one year anniversary on November 6th (also my birthday). I could not have done it without the encouragement received from Changing Course newsletters. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are inspiring! ~ Cindy Oman

 

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Valerie, thanks so much for Changing Course and for staying the course with your life's mission to empower others to fulfill their dreams. You are an inspiration to us all! Congrats on your 100th issue." ~ Bob Baker, author, "Unleash the Artist Within" and "Guerrilla Music Marketing Handbook," http://www.PromoteYourCreativity.com

 

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Congratulations on your commitment to educating, informing and inspiring people to follow their hearts. Thank you for being an inspiration. ~ Nick Williams, http://www.DreamBuildersCommunity.com

 

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Valerie - Thanks for offering the Changing Course Newsletter and the Dreams Can't Wait Conference. Reading your newsletters made me realize I could have a dream again. Going to the Conference gave me a dream. And the combination of the newsletter and conference made me realize that a lot of my dream is contained in my job I have now and I'm enjoying it immensely while making contacts and laying the foundation for my dream of editing papers for professors and grad students. Thank you for helping me find a new dream after 5 years of drifting and wondering "What should I do with my life!" Rebecca R. Reid

 

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Dear Val,  I congratulations on your l00th issue of Changing Course!  I don't know what all of us who are pursuing our dreams would do without our monthly fix of new and useful ideas and INSPIRATION!  You have made such a special contribution to people who want to earn their living in less traditional ways.  You make us believe we can - and then we do.  I look foreword to the next l00 issues....and more.   Thank You,  Rene Carew, www.AuthenticLife.com

 

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VALERIE HITS 100 AND STILL LOOKS YOUNG!

 

Massachusetts Spitfire Changes Lives Without Botox

 

It’s NOT too late to love your life!

 

Dear Valerie,

 

You have truly changed my life.

 

You opened a door for me that I never knew existed. But more than that, you believed in me. Your obvious integrity, enthusiasm, and wisdom pointed me in a fabulous new direction.

 

Your generous spirit infuses everything you do. You care deeply…and touch both heart and soul.  I’m writing this with tears in my eyes…it means that much to me.

 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

 

Congratulations on your 100th issue of ChangingCourse!

 

Warmly,

Tina Lorenz

 

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I adore Changing Course and read it eagerly! Ever since Valerie asked me "How long do you plan to be alive and what do you want to do while you're here?" I've recognized her as a wise and winning guide to the good life, a she-shaman of change. Her newsletter, Changing Course, is like having her walk right into my office with her cast of inspiring characters and friends.  Changing Course is a shot in the arm, a pat on the back and a kick in the pants, all helping me to get moving!  Keep going, Val! ~ Cathy McNally

 

Editor’s Note: Tell Valerie how much you appreciate the Changing Course Newsletter by emailing mailto:info@ChangingCourse.com