Imagine fearing you’ll never find your dream career.
Then you join a group being led by a wise woman who helps people do just that.
The other participants are popping with ideas.
But you… no clue.
Then at the final meeting, you spy a National Geographic magazine on the coffee table.
On the cover is Koko, the gorilla who learned to communicate with humans using American sign language.
Suddenly you come alive! “I LOVE gorillas!”
“Great!” says the wise woman! “We can work with that!”
Of course you’re immediately skeptical. It’s not like you can make a living at it or anything.
But the wise woman says, “of course you can dear.”
That very 1978 National Geographic featured Koko’s teachers at the Gorilla Foundation.
Years later the grateful gorilla lover would tell the wise woman…
I had no idea where to start, even where I wanted to go. I only knew I loved gorillas, and you persuaded me to learn everything I could and get involved with the Gorilla Foundation.
Everyone told me I was foolish and I was afraid they might be right, but now I work with gorillas every day in one of the biggest zoos in America!
I’ve been to Borneo twice working with the apes, and I’ve even helped raise baby gorillas.
The wise woman would go on to tell countless others that their crazy dreams were possible too – mine included.
That wise woman was, of course, the uniquely gifted Barbara Sher.

Photograph by Mindy Stricke
And so it is with a heavy heart that I share the news that Barbara died on Sunday, May 10th.
For the woman who helped birth thousands of dreams to leave us on Mother’s Day seems fitting.
An early pioneer in the career coaching world, Barbara not only assured us we could create the life we want but offered us a path to do it.
Her first book Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want (and still my personal favorite) sold millions of copies.
In 1988 I too was searching.
So I organized a weekly Wishcraft group using our answers to the exercises to brainstorm options and create action plans.
It was an informal forerunner of what would later become another of Barbara’s signature contributions – Success Teams.
From that group came the idea for my first business – a line of humorous greeting cards which I drew, had professionally printed, and got into stores in New York, San Francisco, Hartford, and elsewhere.
It wasn’t a big money maker.
But the very act of doing it gave me the confidence to do what entrepreneurs do – try, try again.
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
Five years later I got another bright idea: Create a newsletter for other burned out cubicle dwellers.
After just one issue I realized it needed more voices than my own.
By 1994 Barbara had written her second book, I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was.
Would she be willing to be a contributor?
I got Barbara’s home number through her publisher (ah, the good old days).
Caught off guard when her answering machine picked up (remember those?!) I stumbled through my message…
Hi Barbara… you don’t know me but…
I’m starting a newsletter for people who want to follow their own road.
I know you’re really busy, but I’m a huge fan of your books and wondered if you’d contribute. You can reach me at this number…
She didn’t call back.
I was disappointed but hardly surprised.
Come on, Valerie. She’s a big author. Why would she want to be in your little newsletter?
Like the Rolling Stones said, you can’t always get what you want.
“Isolation is the Dream Killer”
Five weeks later on a rainy Sunday afternoon, I’m sitting alone in my kitchen close to tears. At that point, I had maybe 20 paying subscribers.
It was a dumb idea. I should have known it would never work. Who would want your stupid newsletter anyway?
When the phone rang I let it go to my machine.
After the beep, I hear a cheery voice apologizing for taking so long to get back to me.
It was Barbara Sher!
She was just getting caught up after her big book tour and would be delighted to contribute to my newsletter.
I nearly broke a leg lunging for the phone!
This experience taught me two things.
First, sometimes we need to ignore our “logical, practical” self – the one that assumes no one wants to work with or help us.
Second, even though being a solopreneur makes you both the head coach and the only player on the field, entrepreneurial dreams are still a team sport.
Does that mean everyone you ask to be a part of your team will say yes? Nope.
Barbara could have just as easily declined.
I would have been disappointed and a little (ok, a lot) down. But not deterred.
Because Barbara taught me that there are plenty of other people out there who really are willing and eager to cheer us on from the sidelines.
That you don’t need to believe in yourself, or love yourself, or have a positive attitude to get what you want.
You just need to find people who want you and your crazy idea to succeed.
Barbara’s mantra became, “Isolation is the dream killer.”
A concept she explains brilliantly in this 10 minute clip from one of her recent workshops.
If you’ve never read her work, I suggest you start with Wishcraft.
Then if you’re what Barbara called a “scanner,” a person who loves so many things, you can’t pick one, then read Refuse to Choose: Use All of Your Interests Passions and Hobbies to Create the Life and Career of Your Dreams.
When I think of Barbara, mostly I think of the regular people who, thanks to her, are living their dreams.
Monkey Business
When Barbara’s friend and assistant Patty Newbold told me of her death, I mentioned how moved I was by the gorilla story.
Patty assumed I was talking about primate artist, Robin Huffman!
“Wait,” I said, “you mean, there’s another gorilla story!!?”
How many career coaches have the distinction of being the catalyst for not one, but two people turning a love of apes into a whole new life?
Here’s how Robin tells the story on her site…
I fell in love with a monkey… a fragile, frightened blue-faced infant, who fit in the palm of my hand. Her name was Maasai.
It was 2007 and I was volunteering for the first time at Ape Action Africa primate sanctuary in Cameroon. My job was to care for her. When she looked up at me, I knew life would never be the same.
At the time, I’d spent 29 years as an interior designer and project manager in a global firm.
I took three months off from hectic New York City to volunteer at an ape and monkey sanctuary in the jungle.
Deforestation and exploding human populations are wiping out the non-human primate families in the world’s last rainforests. For these vulnerable displaced creatures orphaned due to escalating bush meat hunting and the illegal pet trade, sanctuaries provide rehabilitation, care, and a safe haven.
During that transformative summer, I not only raised three infant monkeys, I painted signs for the sanctuary.
The manager asked if I could “paint a monkey.”
Despite having no formal training in painting, I rendered colorful Maasai. My primate portrait career – and my calling – were born.
I’ve been caring for them, painting them, and beautifying sanctuaries ever since. Once I learned first-hand of their plight, I left my career and shifted my focus to help, with a profound sense there was no time to waste.
It All Began With Barbara Sher
Naturally, I had to know more about Barbara’s role in all of this.
Robin told me she met Barbara in 1998 at a Learning Annex workshop in New York.
Like me, she’d been moved by the story of the woman who became a surrogate gorilla mother at the Bronx Zoo.
Six years later Robin went to Barbara’s first ever Scanner Retreat on the Greek island of Corfu.
Did it help? I’ll let Robin tell you:
“Even though I talked about running a B&B, Eleanor of Aquitaine, renovating medieval castles in Europe, and animal massage, everyone said to me, ‘Wow. You really love gorillas, DON’T you!’ I thought, if that’s what I’m broadcasting, I’d better pay attention.”
A week later she wrote her ideal job description.
The details were fuzzy, but it involved something to do with animal protection or cultural preservation in Europe, the UK, or Africa.
Notably, Robin said she also, “wanted to work for a hero who sought an adjutant to help brainstorm and implement projects.”
Then she said, “I had an epiphany that the place I could get closest to gorillas will never be the Bronx Zoo. It would be where it’s a desperate situation, where some donations and sweat equity meant something.
I Googled ‘gorilla orphan’ and ‘gorilla rescue’ and up popped a photo of Rachel Hogan at Ape Action Africa with two baby gorillas on her hips and a headline that read, ‘Do you want to volunteer?’”
She raised her hand and nine months later was in Cameroon, working at Ape Action Africa and living her dream job description.
Of course, no dream comes without sacrifice.
Robin returned to her job for a year before resigning and selling her condo to fund what would turn out to be 3.5 years in Cameroon, nine self-funded trips, and another year and a half volunteering at sanctuaries and an environmental research/lemur center in Africa and the US.
Patty told me, that in between Robin slept on a lot of friend’s couches in New York working just long enough to afford the next trip.
Today, Robin is a self-taught painter specializing in large scale close-up portraits of apes and monkeys.
Robin and the woman who encouraged her were bonded for life.

Barbara with Yoda at Robin’s first ever art exhibition in 2016 at her former design firm (never burn those bridges!).
Making Dreams Happen
There was another Barbara who moved me to escape from cubicle life — Barbara Winter.
In 1990 I attended her workshop in Hartford — three years before her wildly popular book Making a Living Without a Job.
By 2000 the Changing Course newsletter featured reprints and excerpts from both Barbara’s.
Over time my dreams got bigger.
In 2003 I asked “the Barbara’s” to team up for a four-day workshop and retreat called Making Dreams Happen.
I’d do all the work if they’d show up.
After all, it takes no more effort to think big than it does to think small.
Happily, it was an offer they couldn’t refuse.
Here’s a few photos of the three of us in Boulder, Colorado.
(Nice to finally work with people my own size!)
The second photo is thanks to Kimberly Stewart, pictured below.
Kimberly was among Barbara’s early Success Team leaders and later went on to train with me to be a Profiting from Your Passions coach where I encouraged her to launch her business Be Weird Make Money.
As Kimberly and the other 56 attendees will attest, it was a magical experience.
I personally count Making Dreams Happen among the top three experiences of my life.
I’m clearly biased, but I happen to think the very best of Barbara’s brilliance was on full display over those four days.
I’d read all of her books.
And more recently, I watched several of her videos on YouTube.
But here I got to witness the force of nature that was Barbara Sher.
Because she wasn’t just giving talks. She was helping to lead an interactive, roll-up-your-sleeves workshop.
Over the four days, Barbara led the group through exercise after exercise.
One helped people deal with the inevitable critics and naysayers.
Another involved a fun way to figure who was (and wasn’t) potential buyers for our future businesses
Attendees had all sorts of dreams including…
…create a support network to help families dealing with mental illness
…run tours to off-the-beaten track places in France…
…be a sports marketer…
…start an invention incubator for women inventors
…open a combination theater, café, bookstore…
Barbara expertly guided the group through multiple Idea Parties using her signature Wish-Obstacle model.
It begins with the phrase I wish I could… but I can’t because.
Seventeen years later the one that still sticks in my mind was the attendee who’s wish was to start a pool exercise program for overweight women, but couldn’t because she had no pool, no money, and no experience.
Guess what?! We helped her see a way!
Since Barbara’s passing, I’ve gone back to listen to her portions of the workshop.
It scares me to think how I almost didn’t tape it.
I was not exactly flush with cash and it costs thousands to have an AV person on-site to record professionally four very long 10 and 14-hour days.
And since back then recordings were on CDs, the post-production costs for editing, producing, and packaging 24 CDs would be many thousands more.
But sometimes you just have to trust your gut.
I’m glad I did, especially after many Facebook friends spoke of how much they loved hearing the recordings.
In honor of Barbara Sher, I’d like to share with you the first of her eight sessions.
Click here now to listen to Finding Your Hidden Gifts.
This is first and foremost a tribute to my friend Barbara.
So a huge part of me was hesitant to even mention that the option still exists to get the entire Making Dreams Happen series.
But after listening again I realized it would be selfish not to share this treasure. And also, that doing so would be a way to give back.
In honor of the impact she’s had on the gorilla lover who wound up working at the Bronx Zoo, Robin, me, and the millions of others who Barbara moved to action, from now through Labor Day a portion of any sales will go to one of Barbara’s favorite charities — Ape Action Africa in Cameroon.
The British statesman and novelist Benjamin Disraeli wrote, “Most people die with their music still locked up inside them.”
Barbara Sher was not most people.
Rest in peace, my friend.
For the full story of Barbara’s journey from single mom on welfare to a best-selling author and career change legend click here.
I look forward to reading your own tributes to Barbara and how she inspired you to follow your dreams.
Notice to My Valued Readers: Since 1995 I’ve kept the Changing Course Newsletter ad-free. However, I do need to keep the lights on. So some pre-screened resources I review or promote may result in a referral fee. That said maintaining my 24+ year reputation means far more to me than making a few bucks promoting stuff I don’t believe in. Be assured that I only endorse products, people, or resources I know to be of value to my readers and never recommend anything I either have not or would not personally use myself. As an Amazon Associate, Changing Course earns from qualifying purchases.
After 25 Years, Parting Advice from the Dreamer in Residence at Changing Course
I’m writing to let you know that after a quarter of a century as the Dreamer in Residence at Changing Course, I’m stepping down.
If you read my recent post “Regret Nothing”, you’re probably not surprised.
I told you about some recent losses in my life and a family member battling cancer.
I talked about how times of loss or crisis remind us to take nothing for granted, most especially time.
About how now — more than ever — we need to ask ourselves, what would I most regret not doing?
It’s a question I asked myself in 1995. For me, the answer was crystal clear.
The thing I would most regret is never being my own boss.
What a Ride!
That journey began with the crazy idea to publish a newsletter for other burned out cubicle dwellers.
Over these 25 years, I’ve had experiences I could have never imagined possible.
I’ve gotten business advice from Sir Richard Branson and Gary Vaynerchuk.
I was invited to speak at a travel writer and photography class in Paris and at an International Living magazine conference in Panama.
Changing Course has been cited in dozens of newspapers and magazines in the US and Canada including The Wall Street Journal, The Boston Globe, The Oregonian, Redbook, Kiplinger’s, Self, Woman’s Day, and many more.
Entrepreneur’s Start Up magazine not only dedicated an entire page to my 10 Steps to Escape the Job World and Create the Life You Really Want they even sent a photographer to my house!
I helped hundreds of coaching clients connect the dots between what they love to do and how they can make money doing it.
Over 350 people from 19 countries took my course on how to get paid to brainstorm.
I led half a dozen Work at What You Love workshops around the country with Barbara Winter.
At the end of each, Barbara and I would turn to each other and say, “I think we helped change some lives today.”
Among them, Dyan DiNapoli who transformed herself into the Penguin Lady only to far surpass her wildest dreams.
And, as I noted in my recent tribute to the late Barbara Sher, I had the incredible experience of co-leading a four-day retreat in the Rocky Mountains with the very women who inspired my own dream, Barbara Winter and Barbara Sher.
I’m not telling you this to impress you.
I’m telling you this because far too many people only see the successful end result.
They don’t understand that every business big and small, started from nothing more than an idea.
Starting Out in 1995
One sure way to kill a dream is to wait until you’ve got everything 100 percent figured out before you begin.
For example, I began as the Making a Living Doing What You Love newsletter.
After two issues though, I realized that loving your work is nice – but it’s just the frosting on the cake.
The “cake” was being able to live life on your own terms.
So I came up with a new name, one that better spoke to people like me who were desperate to take the leap from having a boss to being their own boss.
I’d never published a newsletter, but I found a training program on cassette that gave me the basics. (I think I found them in a classified ad in Entrepreneur magazine.)
I bought some basic publishing software for my Mac and a designer friend at my old job did the initial layout.
A few years later I realized people might actually pay me for the informal advice-giving and resource sharing I’d already been doing with shuttle drivers, wait staff, and other disgruntled employees.
Mind you I had no formal training in either coaching or career counseling.
Which was fine because I had no interest in administering skills assessments or personality profiles or doing any of the other things traditional career advisers do to help people find their dream “job.”
I wanted to help people create their own job.
So one day I just hung out my shingle as an “outside the job box” career coach.
Over time other entrepreneurially-minded “idea people” told me they’d love to do what I do.
So I used lessons learned from my own experience to create the first and only training program to teach them how.
In the mid-90s getting on the “world wide web” meant knowing HTML.
I didn’t have a lot of money, but I did have a phone.
So I called a local community college to see if students in their HTML class needed a case study.
I got a free website and the two 40-something career changers who created it got to build their portfolio.
This was my first site.
Why Now?
For starters, when I launched the newsletter I was 40.
Last November I turned 65.
This is where you immediately go to the comments section to say, OMG, you don’t LOOK 65! 🙂
My mom died unexpectedly of a heart attack five months before her much awaited retirement. I’ve already outlived her by four years.
She left behind boxes full of material for quilts she’d never get to make and a lifetime of photos she’d planned to organize but never got the chance.
I know too many people who lived for their retirement day only to die just before or shortly after.
My Dad couldn’t wait to retire.
He liked to say he was going to spend the first few months sitting in a rocking chair.
Then after a few months, he was going to start rocking… very slowly.
I have no intention of sitting in a rocking chair.
In fact, I’m incredibly busy leading webinars and sketching out a new book.
And I’m looking forward to having more time to pursue other interests like actively addressing climate change and learning to do mosaics.
The other reason I’m stepping down is simple: It’s time.
Jon Stewart announced his retirement from The Daily Show by saying, “This show doesn’t deserve an even slightly restless host.”
The fact is, I’ve been struggling with this decision for a while now.
Up until recently, I was juggling three investment properties. Happily, I’m down to one.
On top of that, I also have a thriving speaking business on something called impostor syndrome.
Learning that there was a name for the secret fear that others will discover we’re not really as intelligent, talented, or qualified as others “think” we are, was the impetus for my graduate research.
I’ve been leading workshops on the subject on and off since the 1980s.
Then in 2008, I got a six-figure book deal with Random House.
It took me two and a half years to write the book. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
When it finally came out in 2011 speaking invitations picked up.
In the last three years, they’ve exploded.
I’ve been to Portugal, Switzerland, England, and Denmark and spoken at organizations like Google, Microsoft, Dell, Blizzard Entertainment, Rakuten, Oxford University, NASA, the National Cancer Institute, and my personal favorite, Romance Writers of America.
The point is, all this obviously left a lot less time to focus on Changing Course.
And it wasn’t fair to anyone – most especially you.
What’s Next for Changing Course?
The other thing Jon Stewart said was, “In my heart I know it’s time for someone else to have this opportunity.”
It felt wrong to just hang out a “closed” sign. Especially now when more people than ever need help.
That’s why I’m thrilled to announce that the perfect duo stepped forward to take the strong foundation I’ve built and run with it.
Drum roll, please…
Meet the new Dreamers in Residence Arthurine Walker and Kate Fessler!
Kate and Arthurine will introduce themselves in more detail next time.
What I can tell you is that you’re in really good hands.
I met them when they took my Profiting from Your Passions coach training.
Even though they were both in the Class of 2007, since it was a teleclass, Kate and Arthurine didn’t meet until they teamed up to take over the reins at Changing Course.
It seems fitting that 13 years later the students would go on to take the teacher’s place.
For now, I’m not going anywhere.
The three of us are working together on an upcoming Work at What You Love Virtual Workshop. Stay tuned for details soon!
And I’ll definitely be involved in promoting and teaching the Profiting from Your Passions Career Coach Training Summer School.
Before I wrap up my final newsletter, I’d like to share some parting wisdom on what it really takes to change course.
Parting Advice #1 You Don’t Need Confidence — Really
If I’d waited until I felt ready… until I thought that I knew enough… until I felt confident – I’d still be in my cubicle.
In 1998 USA Weekend magazine article was dedicating an entire edition to the impact of the 1990 recession on families.
The editor asked if I could contribute some tips for two-income households looking to downsize to one income.
I knew nothing about it.
But I said yes anyway.
I mean, how hard could it be?
I called a financial planner for his advice and talked to a few couples who’d done it.
Add to that a dash of common sense and voila! I had my own sidebar of tips and free advertising for Changing Course to their millions of readers.
Fast forward to 2020 and every one of us has a PhD in Google.
You don’t need confidence to start a business because you don’t need to know everything.
You just need to be smart enough to figure it out.
Just say yes and learn as you go.
Parting Advice #2 It Really Is All Small Steps
Most dreams die because we give up too soon.
I know how easy it is to feel like you’re not making progress.
That’s why starting in 1996 I started documenting the things I’d accomplished each year.
It was my way of assuring myself, See Valerie, you are making progress.
Everyone wants to be in their dream life right now. But that’s not how it works.
Michelangelo didn’t sculpt David in a day. He literally chipped away at it bit by bit.
Take for instance this very announcement.
It took me f-o-r-e-v-e-r to write.
I didn’t edit it once; I edited it at least 20 times!
The thing is, you’re not “writing a book or a blog post or your website.”
You’re writing a sentence, then another one and another one.
You’re not “becoming a speaker.”
You’re outlining your talk (which trust me, you’ll then change hundreds of times).
You’re not “starting a landscaping business.”
You’re looking up local competition to see how you’ll do things differently, better, faster, higher-end, or more affordable.
Then you take another small step and another and another.
It may not sound glamorous, but it really is all small steps.
The important thing is to begin.
Parting Advice #3: Besides, It’s Not About You
One of my clients had spent years lovingly caring for an ailing parent.
After “Kim’s” mother passed she began to write a play about her experience.
Then she stopped.
Kim wasn’t afraid of failure she was afraid of success.
“What if my play is a hit,” she said, “then I’d have to play big.”
I invited her to imagine a sold-out theater full of people…
… to feel the excitement in the crowd…
…to know that among them were people who’d been through a similar experience and were eager for their own joy and pain to be honored by the words she’d scripted…
…to watch as the lights dimmed and the curtain rose to reveal an empty stage…
…and finally to picture herself, the almost playwright coming out to announce…
“I’m sorry, there will be no play tonight. I was too afraid of being great to write it.”
Can playing big be scary?
You bet.
It’s even harder if you’ve spent your life putting others’ needs before your own.
Even when you do manage to convince yourself that you are worthy, to suddenly move your own dream to the front burner can feel selfish.
All the more reason you need to see that everyone loses when you play small.
There are people out there right this very minute who want and deserve to benefit from your full range of knowledge, abilities, and skills.
So instead of the proverbial question, “What would you do if money were no object?” ask yourself, What sort of difference could I make if fear was not a factor?
Speaking of dreams…
You’re Invited to My Retirement Party!
Stay tuned for some sort of Valerie’s Retirement Party + Changing Course’s 25th Anniversary + Grand Re-Opening celebration.
With COVID-19 it’s not yet clear whether all or parts will be virtual. Or if it will be one party or separate celebrations.
No matter what, it won’t be until at least the fall.
For now, I’d love to hear from people who, via Changing Course, have been inspired to live the mission I established 25 years ago…
Live life on purpose
Work at what you love
Follow your own road
When did you start reading the Changing Course Newsletter – and why?
Was there a resource or an idea in the newsletter that sparked your own entrepreneurial journey?
Was there a particular book or audio that helped you?
Were you on one of the many teleclasses I ran with inspiring self-bossers like the maker of I Love Chicken Poop lip balm or the guy who started a successful online Bible study business or the woman whose craft instruction business was so successful her husband quit his job to join her?
Did we do a career coaching session together?
Did you attend one of the workshops…
Making Dreams Happen in Boulder, Colorado?
Work at What You Love in Northampton, Massachusetts; Madison, Wisconsin; or Ventura, California?
Dreams Can’t Wait in Kennebunkport, Maine?
Did you come all the way from Alaska or Sweden or Israel or Mexico or Montreal to participate in one of the small retreats I ran at my home in Montague?
Did you venture off to Ecuador for the Relax, Renew, Reinvent workshop?
I’d love to hear from you here!
(just scroll down to the comment section below)
And, please don’t worry if you don’t think you’ve done “enough.”
Or if you started and stopped or otherwise got stalled.
As Mary Ann Evans, writing under her pen name George Eliot, wrote, “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”
Heck, Gramma Moses didn’t start painting until into her 80s!
Finally, I’m deeply grateful to Lisa Tarrant for leaving her job-job 19 years ago to go on this crazy ride with me (and for being shorter than me :)) I couldn’t have grown Changing Course without her.
Thanks too, to Melinda Ashley for jumping into a whole new world of virtual assisting to lend us a hand!
Most of all, I want to thank all of you for honoring me with your attention all these years.
Knowing you trusted me with your dreams has meant the world to me.